Sunday, July 10, 2016

Obsessed with Trying to be Loved

...ok so do you want to be loved? Yes, me too, I want to be loved and accepted for whatever I am. Yes I want to change few things about me, and I am sure you as well want to change certain aspects of your personality. There are certain things that you can change and there and others that you can't. Can you make others love you? There are times when you feel desperate to be liked by those people, who don't care about you.

It becomes a kind of obsession trying to be loved by them, but it doesn't happen. You becomes miserable and feel disgusted, and hate yourself. Your self esteem and self worth goes down in your own eyes. You get stuck in a loop-hole of trying and trying and failing and failing and then belittling yourself. There comes a time when you want the earth to swallow you and bury you in itself, or the sky to take you out of this world, but that doesn't help either.

So what can you do? You are stuck in the loop-hole of self disgust and self pity. Sometimes you feel anger and sometimes you feel the hate for yourself and for the world who doesn't help or understand you. You want to tell everyone to FUCK OFF!!!!, but that doesn't happen either. You start hiding in that hole of your self disgust and self pity. Sometimes you target people for your condition, and in that act you loose them too.
So what to do now? Take a rope and hang yourself???? well! no! because if you do so, there is nothing other than the darkness. Darkness forever!
Well, this post is not intended to give you self help tips, instead just to let you know that, you are not alone, there are people in the world who have the same feelings. It is intended to make you understand your feelings, and if you can share them with me in writing, please do so in the comment box.
Be frank, be honest and be the witnesser of your feelings, don't hide in that hole of disgust and hate, share it with other people in creative way. Soon you will feel better.