Obsessed with Trying to be Loved

...ok so do you want to be loved? Yes, me too, I want to be loved and accepted for whatever I am. Yes I want to change few things about me, and I am sure you as well want to change certain aspects of your personality. There are certain things that you can change and there and others that you can't. Can you make others love you? There are times when you feel desperate to be liked by those people, who don't care about you.

It becomes a kind of obsession trying to be loved by them, but it doesn't happen. You becomes miserable and feel disgusted, and hate yourself. Your self esteem and self worth goes down in your own eyes. You get stuck in a loop-hole of trying and trying and failing and failing and then belittling yourself. There comes a time when you want the earth to swallow you and bury you in itself, or the sky to take you out of this world, but that doesn't help either.

So what can you do? You are stuck in the loop-hole of self disgust and self pity. Sometimes you feel anger and sometimes you feel the hate for yourself and for the world who doesn't help or understand you. You want to tell everyone to FUCK OFF!!!!, but that doesn't happen either. You start hiding in that hole of your self disgust and self pity. Sometimes you target people for your condition, and in that act you loose them too.
So what to do now? Take a rope and hang yourself???? well! no! because if you do so, there is nothing other than the darkness. Darkness forever!
Well, this post is not intended to give you self help tips, instead just to let you know that, you are not alone, there are people in the world who have the same feelings. It is intended to make you understand your feelings, and if you can share them with me in writing, please do so in the comment box.
Be frank, be honest and be the witnesser of your feelings, don't hide in that hole of disgust and hate, share it with other people in creative way. Soon you will feel better.

Thanks!

Are You in Love or Not!??

Hi,

Are you in love?
Is it a difficult question? It can be when your definition of love is not clear. If you have a certain specific definition of love, only then you can answer this question confidently. So do you have a definition of love? What is love to you? It's a very difficult question for me, and it gives me butterflies in my stomach. The thought of having a wrong definition of love fears me. There is a past associated that makes you think and think.

Think, think.. so is it that first eye contact with those lovely eyes and with that mesmerizing voice? Is it the first date when you had hand to hand touch? Or was it the first smile and laughs that you shared together? Can kiss happen without love?

Can you hug without love? Is it love to give your body to each other? Is it love to miss someone when you are not around them? And is it love to feel like being in the most comforting arms in whole world. Is it love to feel their pain even when they don't tell you. When you feel like holding them close to your heart and let them cry their tears and wet your cloths. Is it love to know that he/she loves to be with you.

Is it love to discuss to your career with each other? And making your plans such that you live together? Is it love to feel jealous when you see someone else with them? Are those little fights to come over from this jealousy another kind of love?
... So what is love to you? Please let me know.

Thank You!

Valentine's Week - Let it be a Celebration or Horror! Just Let it Be!!

Are you single or coupled? Well it doesn't matter! let's talk about everyone.

It is heavy for some people to pass that single Valentine's day, and talking about a whole week would be burden  or a nightmare for them, because they have so many worries about their love life. Some people can't bear the pain of being single, and some can't bear the pain of being in a relationship.

Well this is not a metaphor, or a riddle, there are some people who are in bad relationships and their pain is also not lesser. Valentine's week is excitement for the happy couples, and they want to celebrate it with all their heart, so in my view, nobody should oppose it. I will post my views to have a peaceful life, no matter you are single or in relationship. 

Anyway, almost nobody's heart remains untouched, some people are against and others on the side of Valentine's day celebration, and I just love to observe all the drama. This is my inaugural post for the Valentine's week(I don't promise another one each day though, so please don't wait), please note that these are my personal views, so debaters or haters stay away, others are welcome.

 Sometimes, we don't even know that we are in Love, and it is hard to believe it. Then comes somebody else, and pokes us badly, and we realize 'aawwwww! I am already in Love'. Thanks to that somebody else!! Now that you realize that you are in Love, what is the next step?

Being in Love doesn't need any sort of approval or compliances from others. I have observed people saying 'I love you' or 'I like you' just to listen it back. It doesn't have to be that way, if you love someone, just say that you love them, and see the smile in their face.

 It is same as telling someone cute of them being cute, you don't say it to get back 'You are cute too'. If they say it back, that would be just an co-incidence provided you are cute in the first plae, and it would be amazing, but it doesn't matter if they don't say it. You may call this selfless love. 

Thank you!

'Men want sex and Women want loyalty and love', Really?

Hi,

Though, I don't often talk about sex in public, but gone are the times when 'Sex' was considered a very heavy word to pull it up your throat, and push it out through your tongue. They say that boys get married for 'sex' and girls for 'love' and 'loyalty'. I have been hearing such lines, since many years. In one manner I feel it to be a gender biasing. 

'Men want sex and women want loyalty and love' - Really? (original Photo : www.rapidinsightinc.com)

It is hard to come up with a single and straight answer. They say men watch porn a lot, so does that define that men want only sex? Anyway, I think porn is an emotion less, physical exercise, but it doesn't matter. It is very much established fact that men watch porn more than the women, but it is not a fact that men have more sex than the women, because it is not possible.

Well, watching porn and having sex is quite different, I suppose. It can keep your mind busy, imagining unwanted things whole days and nights after watching porn, but when you have sex with your partner, I think instead of imagining it on anyone you will miss that one specific person, your partner.

 Once a man is out from that porn and masturbation mode, it seems quite unrealistic to imagine a man, marrying a woman just for sex. 

A man cries too, when he gets hurt and cheated, yeah! but in some secret place though, not in between his chatter group. I am sure that he doesn't cry for the sex, but he cries for feeling down, unloved and cheated. It shatters his self confidence. It is not the long lost sex nights, that he cries for. He needs love, but in more of a subtle manner, and sex is merely one of his ways to show his love.

'If a man doesn't marry a girl after having sex, he must be a sex predator', that is what few people think. If you ask them, if they themselves have got married to the person with whom they had sex for the first time, and if they give you the true answer, I am quite sure it will be 'No', with very few exceptions.

Keep rapes and molestations away from the current topic of sex, because rapes are the result of the mental sickness, that results due to the personal abuses(mental or physical) or perceived abuses that the rapists had gone through in his/her past. That is why there are the rehabilitation centers and not a death sentence for such people. At some level, society as a whole is responsible for that. In that way, if a person doesn't marry even after having sex for first time, what does that mean?

It is more than just sex, it is about their(men and women both) career, their family, their dreams. It's the reason, that there are very few people, who marry to the same person. It shows that for men and women, both alike, no doubt sex plays a big part, but there are other things that matter more than that. 

The conclusion of my post is that those who do, should stop using the gender biased statements such as this, that men want only sex and marry only for sex. Keep nymphomania and satyriasis out of this post, but again they together include both genders, making them satyromaniacs and nymphomaniacs respectively. 

Thank you!

Role of Focus in Relationship.

"God please, make this one last forever! please! Please!", well, may be you don't believe in God, but still without being conscious, you pray for it. You are in a new relationship and you don't want to ruin it like the last one. You loved your last one, more than your life, or at least that is what you thought, but somehow it didn't work.

Have a heart with a focus

You think you wanted it to work, but have no clue, in what way. When you don't have the clue, means you are not focussed.You were not focussing the eye of the fish, but you were looking either at whole of the fish or you were looking at the the tail, that is why you lost. This is very much true, we fail, because we don't have the clear picture of the thing that we want from a relationship.

When we don't have the clear and the exact picture, instead of hitting the eye, we hit at another spots. This another spot can become the tail of the fish, if we were looking at the tail. In relationships, this tail can become the reason for the break up and therefore another relationship. You get into the another relationship, but I am sure that it was not what you had intended to aim for. This becomes the reason for being dissatisfied. This becomes the reason, why Duryodhana was, what he was, an evil person.

Arjuna hit the eye, because he knew what he was aiming for and therefore he got what he wanted. Every one knows that love happens through heart, your heart participates in it. When you talk to that person, your heart feels happy, you can not ignore the response of your heart. Sometimes, it start to beat faster, and sometimes it is slow, but you can't ignore it. All the time, your mind is focussed at your heart. That is why they say, that love happens from the heart, still don't believe me? Just remember, what I said, and next time when your mind gets focussed at your heart, which resides at the left side of your chest/breast, you will come to know.

The amazing thing is that the heart next to you beats with the same frequency and amplitude, and that is what harmony is. All this needs a focus, focus on the moment, if either of us, is not focussed, it may change the fate. This is what creates the understanding, sharing and joy of being together.
Well, that is all I have to say today, thanks for being here, may god bless you.
 Bye!

What it takes to be in love Again!

Ever been in a dating relationship? Your eyes met, heard that lovely voice and then you just went onto a long journey of the relationship, which seems to be very short while in relation, but once you get separated, then very long one if separation was not obvious.

Separation is also the part of the relationship, because relationship never ends until you recall the memories, whatever it is, it is still there in the form of the memories, which you may recall anytime, because it is easy to do so.
Relationship almost ends when you don't even recall the memories, when everything is out of your conscience.A healthy relationship is the one, in which you feel secure and happy when you are together not necessarily physically, but in memories too.
 It must not make you weak to move on, when you really need to, because it would be selfish to stick to it, while the other person does not want to. True love is never selfish, if the other person is not happy, let him/her go, if their true happiness lies in the separation, let them find it with it.

What matters to you is, your next step. Well, next step for an emotionally balanced person is to keep your loving nature with you. Let me explain it a little bit more, remember the first time you fell in love with someone? The first time when you truly loved someone; when you felt totally happy and secured. Its not about losing your virginity, its about your first love, which made you strong.

I think many people misunderstand their first love, they think that the person responsible for taking their virginity is the person who took all your love with him her. Love grows when you in love, and it can not be stolen or taken away, because our true nature is love.
Although it is not possible to measure the true love,but, I bet that you always can love more than you ever loved before, because the love grows.

The need is to find that 'more love' in you first, and then project it on someone who really need it and is ready to accept it. The love will reciprocate and you will feel wonderful.

Now, that you free to move on, your true nature of love should not be bounded with any kind of thought which stops you from going into another relationship. Let the love express itself, be kind to yourself and let your true nature of love come out. When you are in love, you learn the meaning of the words, such as 'trust', honesty, loyalty, compassion, kindness, sharing, feelings, forgiveness, joy, patience, success, enthusiasm and what not?

You feel very special, remember these words and the feelings attached to them, and recall them whenever you feel lonely, they will give you the power to love more and more.  So, coming to the title of this post, what it really takes to be in love?
 I think all it takes to be in true love is 'love' itself. Give it more and you get it more.
Very simple!

Thank you :)

Move On or Move Along?

Greetings!
The most difficult stage of a relationship is when you start thinking that the end is near. You start thinking, had you not been loving him/her so deeply, it would have been easy to move on. Had you not trusted them so much, you could have saved you from all the pain. Had you not lived with them so long, you could have saved yourself from the amount of the pain that you have to feel now. Had you not laughed and cuddled with them, you could have saved yourself from these tears.

Move On or Move Along?

The cause of the pain can be anything, it can the lack of communication, which creates the misunderstandings, or it can be some other social matter which is coming on your way, and you don't know whom to blame it for. It can be his/her mother or father, or friends which you don't like, and somehow it has become an issue in your relationship. You try to neglect the pain for a while, but then it strikes again and again, and you realize that longer you stay, more you getting hurt.

Then you meet someone who is nicer and lovely and makes you forget the pain of your relationship. Would it be better to propose this new person and end up the earlier one? Won't this solve all the problems that you have in your personal life?
Won't it be a magic pill to save you from all the pain that you have? Whooo... stop stop, not so fast, do you think the next person really loves you? I think not, no one loves an insecure and vulnerable ass. It is not the solution.
He/She might sympathise with you, and if the person is bad, might use you for their own ego, and after the purpose is over, may move on. The solution is not to get into another relationship as fast as you can, but the solution is to hold on, take a breathe, feel yourself, feel the life. Even if you go with the new one, you will realize it soon that it was a mistake, unless you were really really lucky and the person is stupid enough or loving enough to take you along.

 I think one should take time, but it differs from person to person, some are plainly just so  much insecure that they will simply jump on to the another person and send a picture of the new one to the old one, exposing it more that how vulnerable and miserable they are and were.  Creating the jealousy backfires in most cases. For me its the end of the relationship, because this is where the trust ends.

Some people are little more courageous and they start to think the ways to save their relationship, and sometimes it might have worked, but once you are hurt, it is unforgettable. Only few are really courageous to forget the hurt and carry on happily. Very few people are having a clear mind set, because at this point, the mind gets vulnerable to all the negative thoughts. It gets impulsive, it gets weak, and it imagines all the horrible.

Very few are sure of whether they have to carry on or to move on? Its really hard to decide if you taking the right decision or not. That is the way it is, the way to move on is to understand your heart. Put it down on a paper or a blog, and focus on what it really want to have.  That is the reason that I created this post, just to put my mind on a page. Simply understand your mind and you will save yourself from the pain, that is what Buddha said, and I believe in too. Watch it, understand it, and enjoy it. That is happiness. With time, you will automatically move on to deeper happiness. Time heals, but take your time.

Thank you